Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Let's Get Stupid, I Mean Outrageous

Over the years, I've read my share of SHTF (Sh*t hit the fan), TEOTWAWKI (The End of the World As We Know It), and Apocalypse threads on various not-so-professional message boards (yes, I'm a nerd). I don't think these are helpful ways to frame a training program or guide your firearms purchases. I've even had my own supposedly non-mall ninja friends ask me what I'd use in such a circumstance. While I don't think these kinds of conversations help the pro-gun world win many friends, sometimes it is fun to pretend. I love zombie movies, and have played some "Left For Dead" as well as the "Nazi Zombies" level on COD World At War. So in interest of rampant sillyness, I give you my ideal arsenal for the Zombie Apocalypse.

First off, I'd carry a rifle, a shotgun, and handgun. I have a vest system that supports all three weapons and isn't that much heavier for it. I can carry 10 magazines for an AR-15 style rifle, 60 rounds of 12ga ammo, and four double-stack pistol mags or seven single stack pistol magazines. I would opt for my German surplus flak vest underneath because it is light and flexible, but would still protect me from errant rounds my rag-tag band of survivors might send my way. We all know zombies can't use guns, but I would like the protection anyway. It could concievably prevent some bites or scratches that would otherwise turn me into a stumbling, bleary eyed, mindless destroyer of nations (no, not an Obama supporter...zing!).

Starting at the low end of the power spectrum--the pistol. My chosen World War Z pistol is.....the M&P 9L.
The M&P 9mm with a 5" barrel provides a better sight plane and a little extra horsepower for those 124gr XTP's I'll be launching into the forbrains of the undead army. It holds 17+1 rounds, but the mags can be overhauled with an Arredondo +6 round magazine extension. That gives me a whopping 23+1 capacity. Four of those mags is 92 rounds, plus my one extra in the chamber to start with means 93 rounds just for my pistol. This bodes well for my ability to survive and run away with Jessica Biel and Scarlet Johanssen to repopulate the Earth. In all seriousness though, the M&P has, in my experience, proven itself every bit as reliable as the Glock, but with far better ergonomics and a better trigger. The undead will wither under the muzzle of my fearsome M&P 9L. And since we're fighting zombies, the "mine's bigger than yours" argument of .45 vs 9mm becomes irrelevant because the only good shot is a headshot that destroys the brain. So the 9x19mm is clearly better because of less recoil and higher capacity.


My shotgun will naturally be my Benelli Nova slugger with the Tac Star +2 mag extension. My ammo of choice will be Centurion Multi-Defense, which tosses a .65" ball behind a curtain of six 00 buckshot pellets. Those zombies are entering a world of pain.

This round can be accurately aimed like a slug, but also gives you some spread from the six 00 buck pellets (which are .33" each). Aside from being pretty, my Benelli is a truly glorious shotgun to shoot. My friends and I have decided it may be powered by the soul of an orphaned child and uses this dark magic to make it more accurate. I have a scabbard that allows me to carry the Benelli on the back of my armor, always keeping it handy should I need to do a Detroit reload, or hand a weapon to a newfound survivor (hopefully either Jessica or Scarlet).



My rifle will be my trusty M&P15 carbine with an EOTech holographic sight. The M&P15 has proven itself utterly reliable shooting Wolf steel case ammo, surplus XM193, my reloads, and even a bit of factory ammo from Remington. I dropped a Rock River Arms two-stage match trigger in it for a lighter pull, and it performs famously. I love it. One day, I will once again own an EOTech (I had one but sold it when I was in a tight financial spot. Wish I hadn't.). It is the fastest and most accurate holographic sight you can get. The Special Forces all carried them in Afghanistan when I was there and they were issued Aimpoints. However, the Aimpoints are fragile and only capable of either 4 MOA or 2 MOA, while the EOTech does 1MOA. And it will. I've seen 1" and 1.5" groups at 100 yards from my buddy's RRA carbine, and my Bushmaster National Match made several 1" groups at 100 yards using the EOTech and XM193 ammunition. My M&P15 with an EOTech and 300 rounds will put the undead back in their graves--one way or another.

All the ammo will be easy to come by if my supply gets low. 9x19mm, 5.56x45 (or .223 Rem), and 12ga are all in HUGE circulation in the law enforcement and military community. Once they are overwhelmed by the undead hordes, I will be able to get as much as I want. And if you weren't counting, my total ammo count is 453 rounds. That should be good for getting me out of The Hive or making it to The Winchester for a pint and some chips.

9 comments:

James said...

Handgun choice fail...

Trap sights for head shots and 35+1 capacity for killing 35+1 zombies without a reload.

Of course, this is a hypothetical zombie apocalypse world where the Steyr M9 functions properly.

DC Houghton, esq. said...

"in my experience, proven itself every bit as reliable as the Glock"

Steyr fail.

It has the same problem as my AR-24--it "has a but". "It's a great pistol...but..."

James said...

Fine. BHP with the same mag. WIN!

Richard Thornton said...

You guys must be Weller fans...

Everybody doing it
Doing it real good
Everybody knowing it
Like they know they should
Shiny sabres rattling
Long into the night
And everybody saying it
Saying what they like
There are words there to inspire you
There are words there to be heard
Maybe none of them will fire you
But none the less they will make you listen by force.

Everybody shouting it
From every place on high
Everybody loving it
Loving what they find
There's blood upon each handshake
Lies upon each word
And everybody killing it
Killing off what's good
There are holes in the divisions
Between the haves and who have nots
There's a bomb for every city
Now they don't know where to stop
And they say there's no provisions
There's not enough to go round
But when it comes to the gun there's a bullet for everyone
When it comes to the gun there's a bullet for everyone

Everybody wanting it
Wanting it to stop
The chaos and destruction
The bloodshed on the rocks
The pain and deprivation
The losses and the grief
The tired, worn out promises
Of the politicians' brief
There are holes in the divisions
Between the haves and who have nots
There's a bomb for every city
Now they don't know how to stop
And they say there's no provisions
There's not enough to go round
But when it comes to the gun there's a bullet for everyone
When it comes to the gun there's a bullet for everyone
When it comes to the gun there's a bullet for everyone

DC Houghton, esq. said...

James- I'll second the BHP. That's one of my "someday" guns.

Richard-- Who is Weller, and why are you insinuating that I am some kind of homicidal maniac, or that my readers might be?

I guess it's the left's standard narrative. Guns=evil. Gun owners=crazy. Veterans=murder puppets (heard that one on the subway in Atlanta followed by being spat upon by hippies).

If you can't be nice, don't post here. This isn't point vs counterpoint and I try to avoid politics so I can just talk guns with people who appreciate finely made machines and a code of use that goes with them. If you don't like guns, or don't like gun owners, just keep it to yourself.

All are welcome, and perhaps I misread your comment, but given your history with my childhood friend ReasonsJester, I think you may be trying to fan some flames.

If you want to come and appreciate some finely made machines, their application, and occasionally some silliness like this article, you are very welcome. Gun owners (and gun owning veterans!) don't "get off" on killing (as the lyrics you posted suggest). A large percentage of the shooting public does so in preparation of self defense. Not hoping or wanting to kill anyone. But getting a gun for self defense and then never training is a recipe for disaster. I try to provide some information about such subjects here because I have some experience as an infantryman in Afghanistan where I was engaged in ground combat, and my entire convoy escaped unscathed. The same cannot be said for those who fired upon us. I also read great authors like Col. Jeff Cooper on the art of riflecraft, or Massad Ayoob on the mastery of pistols. I combine these things into (hopefully) entertaining articles which the shooting public can use to their advantage. I do not encourage violence, but I try to prepare the good guys for that one in a million chance that the worst should happen.

I am sorry if this comes off as inflammatory, but I'm more than a bit testy about being thrown in with madmen like the bozo that shot up V-Tech, or Tim McVeigh, or being called a terrorist for my service, just because I also own guns (scary black guns with 30 round magazines!).

I'm not a terrorist. I'm not a racist. I'm not a murderer, nor do I plan to become one. I'm a tax-paying, voting, service member. Just another regular guy who happens to own guns.

/rant

Richard Thornton said...

Paul Weller; He is a British songwriter, very popular; In NYC his shows sell out immediately; He has been around 30 yrs. I have 2 friends who like guns as you do and I have tried to turn them on to your site. Personally I do not own guns and I have only shot one once back in 1993 under a friend's instruction. I think there is humor in the Weller song; that is the only thing never scarce is enough bullets, but I realize that you are a not be definition crazy or a thug simply because you like guns.

Reasonsjester said...

Sorry to post on the zombie article (why not a Benelli tactic 12 gauge, btw), but I want to let Richard know he can argue with me on http://ptvscpt.blogspot.com/. Honestly, I am worn out arguing, and I want Americans to understand each other. Unfortunately, the tone of my blog is not the friendliest. But Houghton is right, his blog is not Poin/Counterpoint, and the dire tone of my blog should not migrate over to his blog. He keeps his blog light and filled with humor; mine is acerbic and confrontational and laced with sarcasm (and is thus not for everyone). Mine is pessimistic; his is cynical. Just trying to bring some distinction to the table, so that Dustin can run his blog with relative peace. Best, RJ

James said...

Houghton's shotgun is a 'tactical' Benelli 12ga, just not the one you're thinking of.

Difference being that his doesn't have a useless pistol grip and fits in a shotgun scabbard nicely. Also, we haven't been able to determine whether Benelli's semi-autos are possessed by little orphan souls yet. Magic wins every time.

Reasonsjester said...

Houghton was a good cub scout - he always comes prepared.